All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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