Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
