can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
