you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize