Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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