You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
