So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
