I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
