My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
