p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
