I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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