there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
