She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
