sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love black thongs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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