just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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