Got a toothbrush?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
