Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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