you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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