Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
