i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
