glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
