i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
