Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
