i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
