I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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