I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.