he shaved USA in his pubs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.