you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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