woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
