youre lurking in front of me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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