all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
