Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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