The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MIDGETS
????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
