Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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