I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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