I'm going to jail i love you
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
