i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
