I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
