Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
