How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
