i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
