you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize