Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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