You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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