i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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