Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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