I just cut my nipple shaving
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
