do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
