Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
