I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
