did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
