I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize