I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I supernannyed him into submission
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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