How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
