so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
