Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
