i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
