I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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