uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
