Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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