He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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