Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
