I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
