I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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