i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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