i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
