the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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