i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
