Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
