just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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