party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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