Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
