don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
